I think it began in the summer of 2003.
Maybe it started before then.
I don’t know.
I can definitely point to 3 life altering events that happened beginning in the summer and continuing through the fall of 2003.
This is the first
Summer 2003:
I walked in on a burglary in progress in our home.
It was the middle of the afternoon. I think I had taken my sister to the car dealership to pick up her car, or drop it off. I was gone not more than 45 minutes. I took our dog Ben with me and then I was going to head home and do some painting in our house.
I was getting my paint supplies ready in the garage (we had an alley entry detached garage) and then walked towards the house. I noticed that our cat, Murphy had snuck out the back window that was cracked open. That was the first indication that something was wrong, but I didn’t notice it immediately.
I walked to the back door, unlocked it, and Ben ran in front of me. He was trained to not walk through doors before us, so this was the second indication that something was wrong. Then he started growling. Ben barked a lot, but her never growled. This was the third indication that something was wrong. I held him back and took a look into our kitchen…drawers were open and things were out of place.
I backed away from the house, went to the garage to get a rope to keep Ben with me, and called my husband. By this time I noticed that the screen was off the back window that the cat had escaped from and the window was open wide. Yes, I should have called 911 first, but I thought maybe something was wrong with Ryan and he had to break into the house.
He informed me that he was OK. I hung up the phone and called 911. I remember my voice being shaky and saying, “Yes, I think there is a burglary in progress at my home.” I stayed in the backyard near the garage and waited for them to show up. It seemed like forever, but they were there in less than 3 minutes.
An officer came through the back gate, gun drawn, and approached me. They asked me a few questions and told me to stay put. Another officer had gone in through the front door, which was now open. (It had not been open when I drove by the front of the house only a few minutes before)
The burglars took some large LL Bean totes that I had in the front guest bedroom and filled them with electronics and cash. They had been in our bedroom (which was towards the back of the house) when I opened the back door. The officers found one of our butcher knives either in our bedroom or living room (I can’t remember which now). They had used it to cut cable cords, but could have used it as a weapon had I gone into the house.
The burglars had left through the front door while I was in the backyard waiting for the police to come. A couple of months later they were caught. They had been burglarizing houses during the day by ringing the doorbell to see if anybody was home and entering through cracked windows, unlocked doors, etc. They were pawning or selling what they found and using the money for drugs. It was a young man and woman. The woman was 17 and pregnant. They also had a young baby.
At the time, I just dealt with it. Did what I needed for the police and kept thinking how thankful I was that nobody got hurt. I felt sorry for the girl, her baby, and unborn child.
I asked Ryan to either get an alarm or another dog that could stay with me when he went hunting every weekend that fall. In November we had Oak flown out to Denver from our breeder and friend in Idaho. She was my constant companion from that Thanksgiving until last May.
What I didn’t deal with was the sense of violation I felt. I struggle with feeling safe…especially when I am alone. I never felt that way before this happened.
I started to feel fear.
home is…feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
stephany taddeo 
I remember that terrifying event…I remember being so grateful that you brought Oak into your lives… maybe Oak couldn’t remove the fear entirely but she covered it over with such a blanket of love for you and your family. What a blessing came to you from this awful experience. Does living in a different home which you’ve secured in many ways make you feel safer now than you did in 2003?
Yes, I feel safer with the security we have at our current home, but I’ve also just had to “feel the fear and do it anyway”.
Wow Steph…that is so scary! I am so thankful you were not hurt. I struggle with feeling safe when Mike is not home too, but I never had an experience like that. Thank you for sharing that amazing story and hopefully sharing and discussing your fears will help put them to rest or at least on the back burner. I always think it is good to get emotions like that out.
Steph,
Whenever one of us is violated in any way through a criminal act it becomes a part of us. The survivors “do it anyway” like you have said. Good for you for being one of the survivors.
Tracy
I vividly remember that day, Ben was a hero! I recall the sense of fear that event created in you and wanted so badly to erase it. I am sorry you had to experience that and think simply telling the story can begin the healing process. It’s not fair that some stupid meth-head who is probably in jail by now created an unnecessary fear within you and I will always wish I could have been with you or done something to avoid that situation.
Ohhhh my gosh I am sooo glad it ended alright but you’re right I am sure you still feel violated and scared sometimes in your own house, NOT cool!
Thank GOD the dog was with you. They might have killed him. Thank God he growled. They might have killed you. I feel horrible for that baby, for the child they already had. (My daughter was born in 2003 – that was my first reaction to ‘and pregnant’). And I can’t imagine the fear of them coming back.
When I was a kid we walked in on a burglary in progress at our house. We ran to the neighbors and called the police (this was before cell phones.) I totally know your feeling of insecurity and violation. Eventually it eases and you can trust again.
I’m so sorry about what happened to you! I can’t even begin to comprehend how scary it was for you, but at least you weren’t hurt. I’m so sorry you felt so much fear in a place that should be comforting and safe.
Yikes!!
Oh my goodness. This is one of my greatest fears. You wrote it all so eloquently. Thank you for sharing.
I woke up in the middle of a robbery in our house when I was 5 years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I have heard it said that you never know how brave you are until brave is your only option. We have been through a lot of health scares with our little boy who is 19 mo & has Down syndrome. I truly think that most people can deal with a lot more than they think they can.
I can identify with that fear. It took me a long time to be able to write about it, and I am guessing it wasn’t easy for you either. So glad that you and your family were kept safe.
Oh, wow! I can’t believe it. Isn’t it weird how you go into deal with it mode, but you don’t deal with it!
This is incredible!
I’m so glad you are okay. This makes me want a dog even more!
I’m reading a book this week where one of the main characters lives through a traumatic, violent experience, and suffers PTSD. I am asking myself why with some folks it becomes chronic they are forever changed. And why some of us live through our bad experiences, and even though we are altered by them, we find a way to move on. I really have no answers. Just thinking about it. I’m glad you have been able to deal with your fear in a manageable way. I can completely understand why you would have that sense of violation.
(I’m here visiting thanks to the SITSgirls, and hope it’s been a good day for you!)
Oh, how frightening! So glad you were not physically hurt, but I bet your emotions were raw for quite a while.
Yikes! I don’t know what I’d do if I were faced with a burglar. I’m glad you didn’t go inside and that you weren’t hurt.
Couldn’t they bring their own totes?! A good dog is the best. Mine are also trained not to go ahead of us through doors, so that’s a behavior that would alert me instantly.