Just fair warning…this is kind of a rambling post, but I just have to hit publish ’cause I’m too tired to think about it anymore…
it’s killing me.
not really, but…
i put the kids to bed by myself on average 3 nights out of the week.
we have a routine.
bath (every other night)
read books in lorelai’s room
take Reece to his room and he can read while I settle lorelai
lorelai easily snuggles me, and let’s me leave to get Reece to bed on the promise that I will come back and snuggle her.
then comes the hard part…
getting Reece to settle down
its always been a battle to get him to settle to sleep.
although he slept through the night (8 hours) at 8 weeks old, he was always difficult to settle to sleep. we would literally bounce on a balance ball for hours to settle him…or just let him cry.
when we transitioned him to his big boy bed he was not even two.
we wanted him in his bed before lorelai was born.
we (i) didn’t want to cribs.
now, in hindsight, I feel like we should have kept him in a crib longer.
from the time we put him in a bed that he can get out of bedtime has been a nightmare.
we’ve tried baby gates, locking the door, reward charts, bedtime rules, bedtime pass, etc. etc.
I remember when lorelai was a baby and Reece kept getting out of bed. I tried the super nanny technique. night after night I would put him back in bed “without emotion” over 50 times. I think a couple of nights it was over 100 times.
we have had some decent stretches where some techniques work…then something happens to stir it up…travel, visitors, sickness, or some kind of change in routine.
and, when Ryan is home. forget about it. he plays us off eachother.
he has always thrived off of routine and this summer we have had NONE.
it’s been awesome, but also not so awesome.
most nights, I spend from 8-10 trying to get him to sleep.
he eventually falls asleep if I snuggle him in his bed or if he can come snuggle in mine.
and, don’t even get me started on the coming into mommy and poppas bed in the middle of the night!
he started doing that about 9 months ago..maybe even longer.
I used to put him back in his bed, but night after night of doing that exhausted me…and I got sick…over and over again.
I wrote all of that 2 nights ago after being home with the kids for three nights alone. The first night Reece went to bed like a champ. I was so happy, but I was also sick and went right to bed after him.
The second night I just gave in and let him sleep with me in my bed…he finally fell asleep around 10.
The third night we battled it out. I didn’t want to give in, but I didn’t want to lock his door or get angry…I actually HATE (and I don’t like the word hate) locking his door, but there were some times where it had to be done. He finally gave in and fell asleep on his own after I helped to remind him that he was brave and his room is the same fun, safe room he likes to play in during the day.
Last night, Ryan was home. We split bedtime duties like we always do (I rarely get a full on break from bedtime duties because Lorelai doesn’t want anybody but mommy putting her to bed). Reece played us against each other. We’re all sick, and I finally gave in and had him come into bed with me.
So, I’m not really sure what to do next.
I would love to have at least an hour after 8 pm to have some time for myself (when Ryan is gone) and time with Ryan when he is here. I go to bed early because I NEED my sleep…or I get sick. So, staying up later to get MY time in is not an option…especially with earlier mornings starting next week with school everyday.
I am hoping a regular daily routine will wear him out enough so he will just be exhausted.
Just kind of venting…and asking for help.
I’m tired, sick, and cranky…and secretly wishing my kids started school this week like everybody else!
home is…sometimes not knowing the right answer.
7 thoughts on “bedtime”
I’m not going to lie… I thought I was reading a recap of my nightlife. Our boys are so, so similar. He slept awesome (10+ hours from 2 months on), moved him to a big boy bed at 19 months, and then *BOOM* he became a struggle once Isla was born. He used to go to bed every night at 8 pm- now it’s 10 pm. As much as I couldn’t stand the thought of it, we put a baby-proof contraption on the inside of his door so he couldn’t escape (we found him in the driveway at 2 years old and I about lost it…). I feel your exhaustion… And, unfortunately I have no advice- just offering up some empathy 🙂 Hang in there!
It’s been a long 3+ years since we switched him to a regular bed.
The funny thing (and I am knocking on wood) is that Lorelai has NEVER gotten out of her bed…I put her in her bed, kiss her goodnight, and she stays in there all night until morning when she calls for me to get her out of her bed. I was dreading switching her out of her crib and decided to do it when she was just shy of 2-1/2…there have been NO issues.
If I figure something out that will work, I will let you know so you can stop it before your little guy gets to 5!
There are so many right answers… the hard part is finding the one or two that work with your little boy! Like you, I tried dozens of things during the “power struggle” years, even going to classes for help… the one thing that seemed to work best was the “big boy” tradeoffs… if you’re big boy enough to stay in your bed and read quietly until you fall asleep, then you are big boy enough for ______ (fill in the blank with whatever activity/privilege is near and dear to your boy’s heart… so long as it is doable the next day… like chewing two pieces of gum or having however minutes of screen time or whatever will work with him. I used to admire the moms who kept track of losing tv minutes for unacceptable behaviors, then earning them back for good behaviors but I did not have the patience to do that consistently. It may not be much comfort now, but when your boy grows up, this whole conflict thing will be barely a vague memory for both of you.
Kathy- We’re trying the big boy trade-off right now. No games (iPhone, iPad, wii) until he starts going to bed like a big boy. As for being done with the bedtime battle with your grown son…it’s still a battle…he just moved out of your house and in to mine. 😉
My almost 6 year old didn’t sleep through the night until he was 3. I would be up with him about every 2 hours and about the time i fell back asleep he would be waking up again. Finally it improved to only 2 or 3 times a night. Sad that was improvement, but true. I never found a magic solution. Heck, I never found any solution. Even now hes up on average 1-2 nights a week. And tho he will go back to bed on his own without all the drama of his younger years, he still comes and gets me up when he wakes up. He falls asleep with my husband on the couch (not my choice at all) so no wonder he doesn’t want to be alone to fall back asleep. All that to say I have no answers but I feel your exhaustion. My youngest sleeps better at 19 months than my almost 6 year old does now. Sigh…
Sorry to hear about the sleep struggles with your little guy. Hopefully my post made you feel like you are not alone…your comment helped me to feel that way!
My daughter has similar issues. It just takes her a long time to settle herself down for bed. thank goodness it’s been a lot better since she’s gotten a little older. she is 7 now. reading before bed helps. so does letting her stay up a bit later in hopes of her getting tired. it seems that doesn’t quite work with your guy though! I wish you luck and I think my advice is that it will pass as he grows and learns that to fall asleep he needs to lie in his bed for awhile…I know it takes me awhile to fall asleep too so I sympathize with my daughter!