less loud

my fuse was short last night.

super short.

i ignited like a bomb.


sending kids to rooms.

answering the phone when ryan called to check in {when i should have just let it go to voicemail} and choosing to be rude and vent.

silence over everything.

then, it turned into a rescue effort.




today is a new day, but i still feel guilty for turning into a “mean mommy”.

friday: field day at the elementary school (with baby girl, too), a trip to the pool afterwards, and a return to a home full of repairmen.

saturday: early baseball game, trip to grocery store to get food to prepare for the afternoon end of season party.

sunday: the first day of a 5 day stint of single parenting

monday: first grade field trip…a walk to a local park (with baby girl, too)

not a lot of quiet for this introvert.

being an introvert is not an excuse for a short fuse because, truthfully, i am the only person responsible for my behavior, and i need to make the choice to not raise my voice and be rude.

however, being a parent who really wants to be involved in their children’s activities and being an introvert is really tough sometimes. {check out this post that sums it up pretty well}

today, i get a break.

no school volunteering today.

no baseball or lacrosse.

baby girl is home with me, so it won’t be quiet, but it will be quieter.

less loud.

one and a half days of school left for the little guy and then we are on full-fledged summer break.

both kids will be home with me all day…all summer long.

other than some travel…central oregon, new york, idaho, the oregon coast…we don’t have plans {although we are working on our summer list}.

it won’t be quiet, but it will be quieter.

less loud.

i am really looking forward to less loud.

home is…quieter. less loud.

10 thoughts on “less loud

  1. salpal1 says:

    oh, it is so hard when the noise becomes overwhelming. If only we could realize it BEFORE we break, so we could turn down the volume and find a few moments of quiet. But it is hard, especially with two young ones at home. Keep trying, and hang in there, summer will be less loud!

  2. Jaclyn VDB says:

    Thank you for your posts on being an introvert and a mother. I struggle with this too. My daughter is 20 months old and I am just realizing why I have certain issues with things. I feel like I am in your head when you write this stuff (and your heart). When my Charlotte was just brand new to me, you shared a comment on Instagram with me that you too watched Gilmore Girls when yours were little because it helped with the anxiety you felt. That has stuck with me and it’s nice to know someone has the same way of thinking – and I am not alone. Thank you!

    • stephany @ home is what you make it says:

      THANK YOU! i always hope that the tidbits and thoughts i share on my blog and IG will help somebody else. i am thankful that with your daughter at only 20 months that you can already understand that, as an introvert, we need to approach parenting in a different style. it took me years…of wondering why i was so tired, of thinking something was wrong with me, of not understanding why i was being set off so easily. and, gilmore girls is always good…almost turned on an episode last night at 11 pm as i was having a bit of anxiety as i was trying to get to sleep…i ended up not needing it, but good to know they are always there if i need them!

  3. Fred the Needle says:

    There is no-one quite as capable of pressing your buttons as your kids! I remember rages, and vents and anger, as well as the tears and the guilt and the constant feeling I was falling short.

    My kids are great, all grown up and they survived more than that they thrived. We are really close – and they talk about what a great childhood they had and how much fun we did together.

    Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves – it adds to the stress because we are so desperate to get it all right and be perfect. You know perfection is a hard act to follow, my daughter wants to be a mum soon, she married two years ago, and I hope that when she is pushed to the limit she will remember that I was not perfect and will give herself a break.

    hugs xx its not easy being a mum.

  4. kaskamaryna says:

    This happens to me A LOT these days it seems – I really feel for you!
    I only have one son and a wonderful supportive share-the-load partner who works from home a few days a week so I really should have no opportunity for short fuse explosions. But I explode.
    I volunteer at school and in the community, after school I regularly look after the children of neighbours and friends when they are at work, I work part-time. There are many many people who have more on their plate. But I explode.
    Personal space, peace, quiet, time alone. SO precious. I’m 50 and I still haven’t worked out the balance!
    But tomorrow is another day and there are lovely quiet ones in the mix. I’ll mindfully take note of how they happen and try to have them more often.
    There’s birdsong outside and a breeze in the trees – sending some quiet to you now …

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